First Step

Today, was the first day of me starting at new place. New job, new people and new knowledge. The more I was learning the more realization of how dumb I am become clearer. The world is vast. We are just a tiny people who live in it without giving any significant to others

The first day seem bearable for me. Everything seems new and exciting to me. Data entry. Data analysis. The dream job that I had been reading all along in comic and manga. One profession where you can earn money without getting involve much communication with others. Preparing the document and the work is done. How heavenly that kind of work.

The environment seems cool and tolerant compared to previous place. Well, the previous one full of rules. You cannot do that. You cannot do this. Improvement every months. Full of BS actually. This environment seems cool. But hey, every place at the first seems cool right? Let's look for next 1 month and a half. Not become prejudice or negative but I just state my opinion. Since become realistic is what I do.

And also the first day, someone kind of taking advantage of me who has a transport. she asked me to send her to station bus which is in the opposite direction with my way home. I mean, come on girl. We just met and barely know each other. This is the first day and you are trying to take advantage of me? Well, hope tomorrow I can confront her which I gonna state I cannot help her.

Next drama and next story about the boring life of mine gonna stay tuned. Until I get better grasp of this whole maze working environment.

At The Tip of Iceberg

Dear MY PRECIOUS READER,

Have you guys ever thought of these situations?
Situations where everything annoyed you?
Or you feel like you want to just go away from this world?
Or you feel like you want to drop everything down and be free?

This what psychologist say about depression.
Depression, anxiety and stress are common nowadays.
Not just in career people that facing this issue.
School kids, teenager, housewives, universities student.
Almost everyone seems to face this problem.
Including me.

My career right now is not the best I had.
It is not suit with my nature.
My career need someone that has strong "POWERFUL CHOLERIC" personality.
Since PRODUCTION CONTROLLER & PLANNER have to deal with various kind of human.
However, my "PERFECT MELANCHOLY" personality doesnt suit this position.
It's contras with my nature and that what make me stress out.

In my next post,
I am gonna explain what is these personality traits.
As right now, I am gonna focus on what is going on with my life.

Well, as been mention above,
depression has caught me off guard.
Maybe at its tip of lake.
I dont know.
So, how's my dealing with it?

MY WAY OF DEALING WITH ANXIETY DEPRESS SELF

• Wake up every morning thinking of the best moment or the best things that ever happen in my life.
• Try to relive it all over again in your head.
• Take a really deep breath and pat your head while saying that everything is gonna be okay today.
• Smiling or forcing yourself smile so that everything in your inside will calm.(smiling can bring out positivity of yourself. Most important it gave you strength.)
• Indulge yourself in your work. Try put aside your feelings.

This things above will tire you out. Imagine the whole day, you have to maintain your sanity.

But trust me, when you go home, the only things that you think is go to bed. 

And I repeat these steps all over again.

And when the weekend come over, 

I will have some fun.

Like sports, gaming and sleeping.

Do everything you like, 

So yeah, so far these works for me.

For the time being.

Have anyone has better way to deal with this?

Regards,

starokz.

Sanity

Everyday,
I fight with my own self. I struggle for within.
To keep my sanity at bay.
Every minute, I look far in the air.
Looking without projection.
Trapping in the mind of words.

Everyday,
I battle by myself.
Hoping that someone could notice.
Someone that could love me more than my family.
Someone that could give me the love that i need.

Right now,
The best option for me, is seem like disappearing.
Disappear into thin air.
*Kapooff*
People forget you eventually.
Can I just kill myself?

Being alive is what matter the most.
But what make it seems like hell is
Your existence opinion is always being rejected.
Even by your own family.

Can I just kill my mother?
Can I just say to her, "Mom shut the fuck up. Dont think just because you are a mother you always right!!!!"
Can I just yelling at her? Throwing all illogical her argument?

Fine,
in 20 years i want to look at that regret face of yours.
Regret for choosing your love between your son and your daughter.
I hope your so called son rot in hell.

War of Learning

Student,
A person that has to do anything what it takes,
To accomplish the goal,
That had been set up,
In mind.

Strive for it.
Struggle for it.
Fight for it.
Bleed for it.
As long as the goal will be achieved.

As living in the war vicinity,
Fighting everyday with daily problems,
Depressions,
Anxiety, that never seem to let us go.
The will to success,
The will to keep moving forward,
Is what keep us in sanity till this moment.

The end will be there.
The end is there.
Just keep moving forward,
Even you have to crawl,
You can do it,
Anyone can do it.
Just fight it.

As we born as a warrior.
To survive in the cruelty of reality.

Dear scheduling, let me win you over. Please. It's midnight

Uniqueness of Life

Life if unique in its own term.
Some may hold surprises while we are in our lowest guard.
Some may give a joyous that worth thousands if tears.
Happy tears.
 

The surprise for me.
This very subject.
When there is gonna be a quiz.
When i have to battle alone. By myself.
While tho others, my friends already has their own path.
Well, part of consequences for my operation.
At that time, when my life kind of different from others.
I am no longer me.
But the core, is still the same.

Then for calm my heart and mind, 
these particular sweet and sour waffle, 
sooth me with its deliciousness.
One thing i learn from this life.
Rewards yourself whenever you feel like.
No need reward from others when you just can give it to yourself.
Love yourself first before you love anyone else.
That way, only true happiness can be reach.

Life is Complicated

Life can be cruel,

life can be joyful,

life can be unfair and injustice. 

Sitting on the desk, browsing the internet. 

Waste my time. Try to distract myself.

From the very founding meaning of life. 

Here, trying my best to deal with the life. 

With this unsettle feeling. 

While the feeling of being left out is gushing out from my heart.

And i am not suppose to feel like this. 

Negativity gonna kill the beautiful soul I had deep inside.

Positivity gonna  made this piece of soul will become radiant than usual.

Some people might not notice it.

Some might just let it pass through like a wind.

Some might find it is really disturbing.

The really important, how you look at yourself.

Love yourself.

Brace yourself.

Laugh with deep sincerity within your heart even it is not true.

That is the only way the bright path,

Gonna open up,

In front of you.

When the right time come.

 

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